You did all that you could

I wonder if I can let myself believe this. Where have i reached? All i want to do is erase every memory of you. Every waking moment is spent ignoring the ache and desperation and love for you. How many more times do i have to go through this? For the sake of my sanity i wished you never happened to me. But that is not true. When today i dont even know what holds for me in the future, i only get past each self doubting and uncertain moment with the memory of the time spent with you. How can i not cherish it. But also, how can i forget the way you’ve shunned me.

Kuch bacha hi nahi darmiyaan..saans leti hain dooriyan…

I can feel words swelling up in my throat. Struggling to reach out to you. I want to scream ENOUGH!!!. Stop please..dont smother me..please. How did i reach this stage? No matter how much i love you i want you out of my life. That is the only way i can live another moment. I have tried enough. I cant anymore. There is nothing that i can do now. I have done all i could. I couldnt have done it alone. I would have needed you to walk with me and make this work together. But you never saw the life in the love, in the promises, in the pleas. I only chose to love you. But you chose to hurt me for doing that.

I didnt ask for much. I only wanted your memory to be mine..but you seemed to have ruined even that for me.

All we ever did was say goodbye…Why?

Wah – huh?

Its so funny. Human emotions are so unpredictable and unfathomable. S and I spoke yday. And finally decided that we do need to go over whatever is left unanswered or unsaid. So that we can call it quits. And first time in so many days i slept a peaceful sleep with an even more unbelievable smile on my face. Is something wrong here? Shouldn’t I be sulking and feeling utterly heartbroken about losing him? But here I am sort of content at finally clearing things out and falling out with a clean break.

Why?

Listening to: Thank you – Dido

Ironically, wishfully symbolic?