Kaise batayein kyun tujhko chahein...

***

Bad idea. Moving away and coming back together. Bad bad idea. Never works. All it does is worsen things. Whoever said Distance makes one grow fonder. Blah !!!!

Hurt. Yearning. Tears. Pain. Hurt. Love. Affection. Anger. Words. Strong Words. Silence. Deafening Silence. Hurt. Wait. Longing. Compromise. Confusion. Acceptance. Distance. Lonely. Delusional. Hurt. Forgive. Hurt…

***

I don’t know why. So don’t ask me why you mean what you mean to me.

***

Main toh kisiki ho ke yeh bhi na jaani

Rut hai yeh do pal ki ya rahegi sada

 

Wasn’t hard

Hold?

No hold

Wasn’t hard to lose

Wasn’t hard to keep

Was hard to believe in

Words?

No words

Wasn’t hard to say

Wasn’t hard to listen

Was hard to believe in

Fear?

No fear

Wasn’t hard to sense

Wasn’t hard to expose

Was hard to believe in

Face?

No face

Wasn’t hard to pretend

Wasn’t hard to be bared

Was hard to believe in

Faith?

No faith

Wasn’t hard to try

Wasn’t hard to believe in

Was hard to continue to believe in

“from a reader’s point of view, its not very engaging

its rather grim and dull and its the same all over.
there is not proper flow in the message although its there and can be made better with better use of language
its more like a self help book meets a phase in an autobiography.”
Hey Preets..u nailed it!!!!

Betrayal to Betrayal

It began with the betrayal of one sort and then of another and then of another. But eventually it became a mutant cell in my soul. Just kept me drawing to itself and claiming shreds of conscience one after the other. Till I could no longer differentiate between the sense of possession and the sense of loss, sense of belonging and the sense of abandonment, sense of craving and the sense of satiation, sense of knowledge and the sense of ignorance, sense of focus and the sense of wanderlust, sense of control and the sense of surrender. It just kept gnawing at me and I kept bleeding and tearing apart.

You probably thought that I was weak and an emotional fool. But what you failed to see was that I was only letting the game of betrayal take its usual course and play its turn. I played my turn by confiding in you and trying to give it all a fair chance and then betrayal took charge to bring me and dump me home after a full cricle of trials, contraction and expansion of my (never yours) emotions and space.

And then I was left to suffer the familiar condition of the consequences I inflicted on me yet again . It all works just fine. I let betrayal take various forms to lead me to the ultimate state of – loss, abandonment, craving, ignorance, surrender, wanderlust and GUILT.

The Law of Attraction indeed is obedient. It only allows pairing up with the similar ilks.

Betrayal to the betrayal of self.