Is one allowed to start the day feeling really really annoyed and bugged and irritable??? I have this intense urge to very forcefully smash something. Fling something up against the wall. See it mercilessly break into little fragments. Break Break Break. I want to destroy something. Only then shall I find some calm to the violent bristling within my mind.
And before anyone thinks its the much touted PMS-ing. Nope. Its not. I can be doing this effortless switch between being all in control and being all ruffled and flustered quite often. Darn! What a thing to master.
Yes. So just as the title of the post says. Yes! I am a jukebox. A friggin used and abused jukebox. Just dump a clinking new dime into my growling money pit and I shall start singing to your tunes.
One clinking dump – I start belting out the funny goofy songs to make you laugh. yeah and a bit of animated moves too.
Another clinking dump – I string together oodles of compliments and the make-you-feel-good-even-if-I-wish-to-never-see-your-face-again kinda praises.
And another clinking dump – Give that obliging concurring nod when all I want to do is hold you by your neck and rattle you and tell you to shut the f*** up.
Yet another clink – I try to conceal my turmoil under fake smiles, pretentious small talks, joining the wandering conversations about clothes and vacations and “Life in general” when all I want to do is lock myself up in a room with no one around me and howl.
Wow, I so have an exciting life to talk about!
Can I just be me once?Think about what I want to think?Say what I want to say?Do what I want to do? And still not feel like a criminal flouting rules of the so-called acceptance and we-are-together crap?
I don’t want to be together. I want to be me!